Fear is part of Love

Sometimes I question and wonder “what is” and how it should be “ideally.” I cannot deny my lack of trust at times, but I cannot deny I do love him. I cringe at the idea that someone else might have him. It makes me sick to know that I question my own feelings. I’m mortified of my own disbelief and as tears troll down my face, I try to make sense of my insecurities. I can clearly remember the first time I realized that love had struck me down. I was numb and it was beautiful. We aren’t perfect but nothing beautiful ever is. Chaos is enchanting. I don’t want anyone else; my fear of being let down makes me think I do. Be that as it may, safe is always skew. I don’t choose safe I choose you. The man who holds me and makes me feel safe, the one who laughs at my jokes and sees me in ways that I don’t always see myself. I beg for your pardon, for my immense amount of questions. I hope that I make you as happy as you make me. I drive myself crazy at times wondering if the feeling is mutual. I fell in love and it brought selfless love and a hurricane of insecurities. You aren’t the safe choice you are the best choice. I may not be perfect but I love with all my entity and that is something I can give with no limitation.

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