The moment you realize you are “fucking” in love

That’s when it happened; his four bedroom walls were the witnesses, for a while it seemed like the words I love you were enough but then I needed to use the word “FUCK.” A word that has a ton of connotations but at this moment it used  to hyphenate an emotion. I didn’t love him but I fucking loved him. At that moment all those thoughts that seemed like perhaps maybe there was someone better vanished. The world felt so crisp and serene. For the entire world was free of pain and the stars all shined for us. It is that moment when you truly realize that you love someone so much that you can’t help but smile. Its utterly beautiful and I’m completely infatuated with its purity.

I fucking love him and there is nothing more that can complicate that because nothing else matters. The past doesn’t matter nor does the future. At this very moment I couldn’t express my feeling without profanity and I needed to let him know that “I love you” was too simple and right now I fucking love you. It’s amazing to love someone with all your might. To be in love with every inch of their soul; to memorize every expression. One can’t even begin to describe how in deep they truly are.

Before him, I was living a life in which I couldn’t imagine actually allowing myself to get so emotionally invested. Everyone was a temporary laugh or smile. I was afraid of being loved and being intimate. I was a strong believer of “making love.” I didn’t  believe in the traditional concept of abstinence but I viewed sex as something intimate and sacred. I didn’t  think you have to be married but I feel like you really had to be sure. I was never sure and love is not something that should be questionable.

Being intimate is beautiful. It’s like binding a book together and refining the edges gently. It’s like a beginning and an end coming together. I don’t judge and I’m a firm believer of doing things in one’s own manner. My way, however, has always believed in magical endings and moments that are vivid and require an abundance of adjectives to really illustrate them. I guess when you no longer have time to be eloquent you say it is fucking perfect. Sometimes the strongest and crude words are all you can use to even come close to depicting an emotion or moment.

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