I cannot be like the moon and only shine enough so that you can be the sun.
you remind me of the men in my family
the way you break only in the presence of God.
How you hide your pain so deep inside
Words crawling out your throat
But you cage them in silence.
-A man’s pride
I understand you.
The way your heart and mind are in a constant war.
How your thoughts become autoimmune.
The way you become comfortable in pain because it feels so familiar.
I understand what its like to swallow so many words theres books growing inside.
I know what its like to find shelter in between each word.
As if safety is when you write.
-Write your pain
He doesn’t love you. Happiness doesn’t taste like your tears at 3am. Happiness isn’t a reflection of your insecurities. Happiness isn’t about forgiving when you know you shouldn’t. Happiness isn’t about making that man the “one” when the only one that needs love is you.Happiness won’t make you feel empty when he’s not around. He can say you’re beautiful, and that he needs you you but darling he doesn’t love you.
I loved you so much
I even gave you the love I had for myself
That is how love hurts
It doesn’t care if it leaves you with nothing
It makes you feel like you lost everything because you were nothing
-How I loved you
It will break you. You will wake you up in the middle of the night in tears and in fear. You will keep your door closed in hopes it will keep you safe from your feelings. You will feel as if you will never be okay. As if the pain will keep consuming your every thought. You will be afraid of his touch even if it’s full of love.
It will break you but it will not destroy you.
It is tough sitting in the rain everyday. Battling your mind and reliving all that destroys your insides. To be soaked in pain and lost in vain. Looking at your hands and wondering what they were destined to make. Looking at your legs wondering where they were meant to go. Looking at your reflection wondering who that is. The rain taught me to wait. To wait for beauty to arise from tragedy. To wait for the sunshine that will warm my hands, kiss my legs and burn in my soul. I’ll dance in the rain with my daisy chain, as the water blends with my tears and the fear will simply dissipatates.