I cannot be like the moon and only shine enough so that you can be the sun.
You remind me of the man I wished for. But you’re nothing like him. I could never wish for you because you are far more than just simple. This is love as soft as a summer breeze. Patience sings at ease. A touch as honest as the promise of a night sky. Words that bring safety to a broken soul. A love harder to forget than my own name. Its like everything I ever questioned was finally home.
I think about you everyday. I feel like you are the only person who sees the war inside me. I toss and turn at night, wondering what your new life is like. What’s it like? Are the rumors true? Is living in paradise truly all that? But every single day you seem farther away. I carry you in my wrist, as if you were rushing through my veins. I hug my pillow, like a child hugs a bear. Looking for comfort and warmth in something that isn’t even really there. You’re the only memory I revisit everyday. When, I graduate I will walk up with you on stage. I will hold my diploma as I hold you inside. When, I get married I will walk with you on the opposite side of my father. You will hold on tight till we see my husband on the other side. When I have my first child, you will be in the room smiling at the face of my infant. When, I grow old and can no longer walk, you will push my wheelchair as I did with yours. One day if I’m lucky, I will trace your moles and scars one more time. I will smile at you and no longer have to miss you.
There was no vacation without you. There was no laughter without your clever jokes. There was no dancing without the sound of your voice. There was no warmth without all the sweaters you wrapped around me as if they were cloaks. There was no glorious moonlit night without your company. There was no serenity in my soul without you. There was no treachery to unfold. There was only the courtesy in how you spoke. There was only the way you knew how to unravel my soul. There was only everything that defined love.
It seems as if romance is a myth. As if the ideas of something truly special and exclusive are but an idea. Society glamorizes infidelity and correlates it with power. “Hooking up” is the in and cheating is exhilarating. There are no consequences, there is simply adrenaline. However, there is nothing in the world that will feel more exuberant than loving only one single being. Life isn’t about how we conquer one another and exploit each others bodies. Life is about making another soul feel unique, utterly brilliant and most importantly feel loved. There is nothing more remarkable than having someone look at you and see you as the one thing that went right in this crazy life. You deserve to feel love that is only designated for you.
Things felt confusing. As if my life was just a big experiment waiting on a valid theory to emerge. I felt lost in my own mind, with thoughts creeping in my spine. The what ifs and the past; broke my soul and I felt like shattered glass. With no way out, and no way in. Lost in my mind and fearing time. Things were confusing and somehow I was fine.
Just because your life isn’t where you want it to be, doesn’t mean it isn’t significant.The days in which we slowly discover our path, learn the essence of our flaws are the days we will appreciate more than the days we clench our fist in victory. You may not have the job you want, go to the school you want, or have achieved a personal ambition, however today, you are you. That you is just as important as the you tomorrow. Appreciate the struggle, it teaches you more about yourself than winning ever will.